The fact that this is a big problem is saddening. I have these issues and it's very hard to deal with. Seeing myself as loveable can be hard especially when I don't like anything about me.
These past few months I've been forcing myself to happiness, to loving myself that today, it completely went crashing down. The walls I've put up last year I broke down on purpose to expose myself to getting used to everything but without knowing, someone was actually building the wall up again. I've had my chin up too high, I've gone insane. All the built up pressure I've been pushing away and stacking has toppled over me and leaves me completely breathless, suffocated. I never had the thought that this forcing myself to be happy would disappear one day and leave me here empty.
Consulting my friends for help, makes me feel a bit better but not so much that I'm fine now. The disgusting thoughts of negativity and unpleasant vibes are still lingering around me and in my head. Today had originally been going well but tonight, wasn't my night.
Time will always be the answer but also can't be promising. Maybe forcing isn't for me. I just hope to get better no matter how many times I fall on my way to recovery.
Until Next Time
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